I’ve lived through a cheating, but it hasn’t happened to me. Until three days ago. I can tell you that when I first saw the message my heart skipped a beat, then it shattered into a tiny million pieces. Everything before I knew was pure bliss, but something that morning was off. You might call me crazy but I didn’t break up with him, I wanted to stay with him because for the first time ever…someone actually truly cared about me.
So we worked things out. I can tell you after crying about 20 times that day and not eating because, I was so upset I fell right back into his arms. Only because, I view him as God. He is all I have ever wanted in a boyfriend for he has every quality in life to make me happy. He is cute, quirky, understanding, creative, smart, handsome, wealthy, ambitious, sarcastic and gentle. I am myself and only myself around him. So why wouldn’t I find comfort within him? The only things that makes my heart ache even more, is not knowing how much he truly cares about me. But, the one thing I understand is that me being forgiving has caused me to be more understanding of his mistake.
At the end of the day, we are human. I can’t say I have been perfect in this relationship because, I am far from it. I annoy the shit out of him because, maybe I care too much. I actually have drunkenly kissed another guy while being out while being his girlfriend. I blanked out, my mind wanted to feel like if my heart was in the right place. Boy was it, I remember bawling my eyes out in a dirty bar bathroom because I kissed another person and it wasn’t him. That is the thing I don’t understand is how he could sleep, have sex, fuck, another girl other than me. Am I not good enough? Do I need to be skinnier? What is wrong with me? Have constantly been running through my mind. When his phone goes off, I pray to God it isn’t someone slut wanting him. Because, she doesn’t deserve him. I want to be mad and dislike you for your actions but, it is you at the end of the day. IN my eyes….you made a mistake and I want to move on.
Because, at the end of the day I wouldn’t want to wake up next to this guy that snores so loud I think he is shaking the house. Although at times it is so annoying, it makes me giggle because, at least I know he is alive and well. I like watching him sleep because, sometimes he looks so angry and other times the corners of his mouth will slowly turn up. It is the little things that i have grown to appreciate so much from him that I don’t think at this moment anybody else could achieve them.
SO that is why I stayed. I stayed because, I care. I care so much about him, because as his girlfriend I am more than his cuddle buddy, I am his mom away from home, his best friend, a mentor, a motivator. And thats all I want in life.